Homesick

Today, for the first time in 4 months, I'm feeling homesick. Like, achey homesick. I've done really good so far. For weeks leading up to our move, the kids and Tyler and I would always ask in our prayers and fasting that the transition would go smoothly, and that we would make friends quickly when we moved. And we have. Actually, the transition has been so smooth that I can only describe it as a miracle. We've been having a blast exploring our new city, getting to know people, and settling in to our new home/job/school.

My parent's came for a visit in the summer, and we loved seeing them and showing them around our new city. Tyler's parents were just here last week and we did the same. There wasn't feelings of homesickness either time. Just happy to see them, sad to see them go.

So why is today different?

My husband flew on an airplane to Calgary today for a week. He's there, we're here.

To be fair, he's going to be in Banff most of the time at a conference. He's been travelling for work like crazy lately. Last week he was in Montreal. Now he's in Banff. Next week he's in Toronto. He's away more in November than he's here. And normally I don't begrudge his travelling, because he gets to talk to grown-ups all day every day whether he's at work or travelling...whereas my conversations are with little people most of the time. Not much different.

Plus, traveling stresses me out. Traveling WITH my kids stresses me out because I'm constantly thinking about sleep-arrangements, and eating-arrangements and schedules and stuff like that, and it's just far easier to stay home. And traveling WITHOUT my kids stresses me out because then I have to find someone to watch my children for me that will worry about sleep-arrangements, and eating-arrangements and schedules as much as I do, so I can actually leave and have some peace of mind while I'm gone. Again, it's often just easier to stay home.

In a few weeks we're all traveling to Calgary for Christmas. And I'm trying REALLY hard to focus on the excitement of being there, and Christmas and visiting with our people rather than worry about sleep-arrangements, and....you get the idea.

But let's bring it back to today. Homesick. My husband is there for a conference. And he will be staying at the Banff Springs Hotel (beautiful!), but spending most of his time in conference rooms and meetings, and throwing in a few runs down the ski-hill...which doesn't thrill me at all. So no, I do no begrudge those things. But today, he was greeted at the airport by his dad. They went to Costco together and then met up with his mom. They went out for dinner (which he just informed me was at our favourite restaurant out there). He visited with his brother and his family this evening. He's sleeping at his parent's house tonight. On Sunday he is going to church at our home ward. Sometime this week he will be seeing my family and hanging with them. And all these things make my heart-ache, and bring a lump into my throat that is hard to swallow.

These are my people. And I miss my people. And I miss them more today because he is seeing them and I'm not. The distance seems greater and all the more real today. Up until today, I've been able to revel in my new life here, and not focus too much on what I'm missing. But I feel like I'm missing stuff this week. I imagine my husband and his brother laughing together, and teasing each other. I imagine hugs. And meals. And hanging out. Ok. I need to stop, because this is making it worse.

Christmas is in 44 days. And I am going home for Christmas in 40 days. And I'm sure that by the end of my two weeks there I will be longing for my own bed, and my own shower, and my own schedule again...but today, I just want to be with my people. Home.