House vs. Home

I have come to the determination that waiting to move is getting on my nerves. We decided December 24th that we WOULD move, but now we're not moving until July 14th. 7 months is a long time to sit and think and stew over moving. The first few weren't too bad because there was much else to do, but now that it's only a few months away, we're constantly talking about moving (logistics, etc), but not actually doing anything about it yet, because it's too soon. It's driving me crazy. I'm tired of the topic of moving. I'm tired of it coming up in every conversation that I have, with anyone. It feels like a thousand people (probably less than that, I don't really think my circle is near that big) are constantly asking for updates and putting the pressure on. Have you started packing yet? Are you excited? Will you miss your family? (This question particularly annoys because it seem like it should be rhetorical...ie. stupid. Too harsh?)

Plus the fact that we have now bought a house, which completely sets my mind at ease, knowing we have somewhere to go...but continuing to live in a mobile home when you know you own a house is frustrating. Every time I look at something that needs to be done, I think, "Do I really need to do that now? or should I wait a few weeks until it's closer to the move." What's the point of organizing a closet if you're going to go through it in a few weeks to pack it all up? So instead I live in chaos. Semi-organized chaos.

Our house is basically a hallway. It's tiny. The walls are made out of plywood sheeting...so they're super thin. So when the baby is sleeping, the house is on tip-toe alert. No sounds above a whisper. No games that involve any sort of conversation or noise. No laundry to be done, no cleaning to be done, no vacuuming to be done, because all those things are noisy. So I imagine most mothers are able to get a lot of work done while their baby is sleeping...not I. For 2 1/2 hours every day I am in pause mode, with my nerves completely fried from being on edge the entire time just hoping and praying no one makes a sound too loud to wake him up.

I was like that with the other two when they were babies, but they turned out to be such deep sleepers that eventually the tip-toeing ended and life was normal, even through nap-time. Not so with this one. I'm surprised I have any hair left. He is one sensitive kid. I decided this week that I'm tired of calculating every move we make throughout the day, worrying if it will affect his sleep. (Everything except the noise). He's been sleeping SO well since Tyler got home. Not last night. I'm tired today...maybe that's why I decided to write this rant.

Living in a mobile home also means dealing with ridiculous fluctuations in temperature. Because it is now spring and the weather outside is warmer, the afternoons and evenings get hot in here. It could be 16 degrees outside, and it'll be 25 degrees inside, with no hope of relief until the coolness of night hits...at about 3am. There is no hope for a cross-breeze in this place either. So I avoid cooking with the oven when the temperature turns warm...mostly because the sensitive one doesn't sleep well when he's hot. So I'm paranoid in the mornings when I hear the furnace turn on. Will it warm up too quickly and I won't be able to recover from it all day? But then I have to drag my tired self out of bed to turn it off. I should just change the schedule on the thermostat.

He sleeps in next to nothing. I have a fan on in his room and I keep his door closed all day so the heat can't get in there. The rest of us walk around all morning wearing shorts and sweaters to keep from freezing, because we know turning the furnace on will mean an unbearable afternoon. So we live like eskimos in the morning and desert-island dwellers in the afternoon. I would like to live in a place where the temperature in the house can be moderated fairly easily. Oh wait, I have a place like that...in two months. This is making the countdown batty.

The fluctuation in temperature in our house is what I attribute THIS to as well:

I tried SO hard. This is my plant Lucy gave me for Mother's Day. I watered it...but not too much. Gave it sunlight. Monitored it closely. But when you're house is fluctuating from 15 - 28 degrees every day...I guess it doesn't really have a hope.

The wind is making me crazy too. Spring means wind here. Oh wait...Cochrane means wind. I forgot. We have had plans so many times that I have been ruined by wind. And when the wind rips past this mobile home, it makes the tin walls and roof on the outside buckle and roll and so you hear it...and I mean HEAR it. Again, I sit on pins and needles, worried that the wind will wake up my sensitive one.

He also LOVES being outside and throws a fit when he has to come in, but being outside on an open prairie, totally exposed to the elements is not fun...for anyone. We were going to have a picnic and play in the bounce-house for FHE on Monday. Picnic was canceled due to win. Bounce-house was still a go...because we Cochranites just have to brave the wind. And we ended the evening with popsicles. Logan's first one. This cute face makes me think that I can put up with his sensitivity a little while longer.


I know a house is not a home...but I gotta tell you...I'm looking forward to a different home.