Cram it all in!

Some people don't like it when they're kids are off school. I am not one of those people. Maybe I will be one day when my kids are older and more annoying. Or when all of my kids are in school and I've come to love 'me time'. But right now, I only have one kid in school, so having her home is awesome. Plus the fact that I love being the master of my own schedule. We've been filling up our week with lots of activities. Lots of time together. Games. Shopping. Visiting. Seriously, it's saturday, and I still have 3 more days...but I already am dreading the back to school moments. It's good for my daughter to be out in the world (sort of) and making friends, but it's good for her brother to have her at home. So, prepae for an onslaught of photos of our goings on. Seriously, I love my kids.

On the weekend, we headed to my parent's house to help my sister move. The kids love going there. Who doesn't love Grandma's house? Logan got a birthday present from Grandma...a New Car! which he absolutely loves. He loves riding on it, pushing the buttons, toddling around the house at his leisure, and he especially loves when his brother plays with him and either rides, while he pushes, or pushes him. It makes police car and fire truck noises as well as a car phone. While he was playing with it at my mom's I found it rather annoying, and I wasn't sure about this purchase, but it is less annoying in my own house. Why is that? Maybe because the noise of this car replaces the noise of Logan whining because he wants me to help him walk everywhere. Or maybe it was just the noise of this car added to the noise of 20 people in one house (5 kids under 6) that was driving me nuts. Plus, look how cute he is.

He also got some new clothes for his birthday, which make him look like such a big boy. A birthday 'suit' of sorts, plus gangsta jeans, polos, sweaters, jackets, so handsome...

My mom has also recently become a huge fan of Fancy Nancy, which her granddaughters love. She has made a Fancy Nancy dress-up box for the girls to come and dress up in whenever they want. Of course, Max is the only boy, and gets really bummed when the girls try to leave him out of activities, so he gets fancy too. We need more boy cousins. Good thing there's two more on the way.

On Monday evening we headed out to Airdrie to Mike and Tammy's for Ashley's 3rd birthday party. The kids had an awesome time playing with toys, making foam art pieces of Elephants, Lions and Monkeys, wrestling with Bumpa, eating pizza and cupcakes and watching Ashley open presents. It was a full house and it was hard to say goodbye at the end of the night.




We've had play dates with friends this week, and went to the mall to go shopping and get new jeans for Mr. Max. Which is always a tough thing. He's super skinny, but getting tall, so his pants are always too short. I love that stores now make pants with the adjustable waste band. This helps moms like me. The kids had fun in the play place at Market Mall too. I feel that a long trip to the mall deserves a trip to the play place. There are times that we make quick trips and there is no playing, but if we're going to be spending time at the mall, then it's only fair that my kids get something out of it too. It was Logan's first time, and he was so fascinated by the large plastic animals.
We also got some Cinnamon Buns and our favorite spring rolls from our favorite Vietnamese Noodle House. Great day.
Yesterday, we headed in to my parents house again so the kids could spend some time with their Auntie Sam. She was having a big birthday party last night, but since we couldn't go, Lucy decided she would go early and help Sam get ready...by giving her a choice from Lucy's 5 different nail polish colors to paint her nails.

Max painted my nails too, and did a pretty good job. I got a lot on my skin, but that's easily fixed.


Max, again, was disappointed that it was a 'girls' activity, so I conceded and let him paint each of his thumbnails...just for the day. We washed it off at bedtime. Then the kids and I headed to Tyler's work and surprised him and took him out to BP's for dinner. The kids were SO excited. Lucy kept saying over and over, "We haven't had dinner with dad for a long time!" Plus he's been working so hard and stressing me out because he's working so hard, that I needed to do something to make me feel like I was helping. I'm seriously paranoid about my husband working himself into a heart attack in his 30s.
Today's a home day, except for a few errands in town, because tomorrow is church and a birthday dinner for Auntie Sam. Monday will be our day to hopefully get back into routine before school starts again on Monday. Lucy's beginning skating lessons, so we're pretty excited and nervous about that. She's nervous, I'm excited.

Little Shop of Horrors

Never again. That's how I'll start this story, by saying, Never Again!

Last Monday, the kids and I were in the city to have another visit to Walmart. This time, birthday presents for Logan was on the to do list. As well as printer paper, Vitamin C, socks, chicken, and Tupperware. The kind of one-stop shopping that makes Walmart wonderful and terrible at the same time. We did our running around and then as I passed by the swimwuit and lingerie department, I thought, I really could use a new bra. A quick scan of the hangers told me that walmart is not the place to get a bra, even if I am cheap, so I opted out. Then, as I was driving away, I remembered that there is a La Senza outlet at Beacon Hill. Score! It's an outlet, so no scandalous pictures of half-naked women to emblazon my children's little minds, and just walls and walls of bras. Surely I could find something quickly and easily there.

I pushed my 3-person stroller into the store, laden with ALL three of my children. This bra shopping was going to be a work-out. A quick scan of the store told me that my size was way on the far side...unfortunately, they had a bit of a display of 'other things La Senza sells' that you had to walk through to get to the bras. And it was Valentines Day. (seriously, what was I thinking?) Other ladies were shopping, pulling out unmentionables and holding them up to themselves, all the while I kept hoping my kids wouldn't pay attention and wouldn't ask questions.

"Mom, what's that?!" "Uh, it's a slip. You know, to wear under your dress." "Oh, a slip! That lady's looking at a red slip." "Yes, I see that." (I wish you didn't!). Grab a bra and head to the change rooms, quick! Meanwhile, Max's little arms reach out and he starts 'dribbling' the cups of all the bras he can reach. "Max, don't do that!" I left the kids in the stroller, right outside the change room door and told them to watch their baby brother and don't move. Soon I hear, "Hey mom, how does your bra fit?" "Hey, mom, this lady is trying on a black slip!" "Hey mom..." And we're outta there! I grabbed the bra I tried on, paid as quickly as I could, and shuffled my kids out.

There used to be a time when I could take my kids with me to places like that, and they just didn't pay attention. That time has obviously passed. And I got the unreturnable $10 bra home, and it doesn't fit. I guess that's a $10 life lesson. Next time, get a babysitter.

Hooray, Hooray, Hooray, Hooray!

Today was my baby's first birthday. It's surreal to me. The first year is so excruciating and wonderful at the same time, that it's hard to believe that it's over. But, there is the bonus of having two children before him, so now I can be super excited for the next year. So many baby steps in the first year, but now some of the monumental stuff starts to happen (at least for my kids, I know others breach these milestones sooner). First steps (Logan has mastered his first few steps this week, so he beat his birthday by just a few days); first teeth; first words (other than Dad); and a first for us...a trip without our kids. That's a post for another day.

We celebrated the day from Sun-up to Sun-down. As much as a one-year-old can celebrate. I tried to sneak in on him when he woke up, because I discovered him sitting up in his bed playing, and I don't know how long he had been doing that for. It started with a big loud "Happy Birthday" from each member of the family, and then a joyful round of the Happy Birthday Song. Lucy was off to school, which she was majorly disappointed about - how can I go to school on Logan's birthday? Trust me sweetie, you'll be at school for a lot of birthdays.

Max and Logan and I headed up to the church for a play date with a bunch of other boys. Logan is the first of 5 babies born in our ward within 4 months of each other, so now comes the string of first birthdays. We had fun playing with remote control cars, and "What Time is it Mr. Wolf" and tag. Max was so excited to go, and then proceeded to sit on my lap for the first 20 minutes, not looking at or talking to anyone. I finally convinced him to play tag by holding his hand while he ran. At one point I told him he'd probably run faster if he wasn't holding my hand, and he let go (of me, and his fears) and had a good time.

Then it was home for a nap, some lunch and more playing with a big brother. The boys and I played cars, built towers and knocked them over. Logan's favorite part is the knocking over and he does it very well. Sometimes his little hands shake in anticipation as he's gearing up to knock over a tower. It's hilarious. Then we headed to the kids room to play because he just thinks the kid's room is the most amazing place. We got out dishes and food from their play-kitchen and made all kinds of soups. Logan kissed and cuddled a baby and screeched at Max. Then it was time to pick up Lucy from school.

After another nap, we had dinner...of Logan's favorites. Salmon, french fries, and salad. He's been coughing a bit today and didn't have much of an appetite for his favorite foods, but we made it through dinner with only a little bit of fussing. Then it was more playing and tubbie time...also his favorites. He thinks it's hilarious right now to throw the tub toys out of the tub while I'm occupied doing something else...like blow-drying Lucy's hair.

He had a couple birthday phone calls throughout the day. Grandma B, Kari & Barrett, and Emma left a voicemail. He looks like he's really not happy about the phone calls, but he's really just angry that I won't let him hold on to the phone by himself. He loved the phone calls. Kari and Barrett sang Happy Birthday and he smiled at the phone the whole time and then gave it 'bones' when they were done.

Dad came home just before he went to bed and gave him some much-needed daddy cuddles. What a full day for a one-year-old.

People keep asking me if I'm going to have a birthday party for him, and I'm undecided. Partially because I don't know when, our days are so filled up with PhD work and home renos that Tyler's rarely around. Partially because I've done big birthday parties for my one-year-olds before and the party is more for the people (myself included) than the baby, and it's a lot of work. How lame-o is that. I promised myself that I would always make a big deal out of my kids birthdays though, so I have to keep that promise. I'll figure out a way that I can have fun and feel like we made a big deal for Logan too.

He is a handsome little man.

To sleep, perchance without dreams

I'm tired...and trying not to complain. It's been a rough morning. And the reason I'm trying not to complain is because I feel it is 'comeuppance'. Like complaining would be hypocritical. I was up in the night last night with my daughter. She had nightmares. I want to be there for her, but it's hard when it's the middle of the night. But every time she wakes up with a nightmare, I think to myself...my mom did this, A LOT. I had chronic nightmares as a child. Much of the time, when I think back to my childhood sleep, I think about not getting very much.

I can remember SO many occasions, lying in my bed, frozen with fear. The nightmares varied. For a while it was sharks. I used to imagine that sharks would come into my bedroom and get me. It didn't help that one of my brother's and I's favorite game was to play shark. We'd sit on the bed and pretend it was a boat and we were falling off into an ocean of sharks, and the other had to save you before it was 'too late'. Fun in the daylight...terrifying at night, when rational thought is far away. I imagined that my blankets would protect me, so if I laid perfectly still and had my covers on, I would be fine. And I would call out to my mother. But not very loud. A faint whisper, because I didn't want whatever I was afraid of to hear me calling for help and then figure out where I was. I'm amazed that she heard me.

There was a while that I was afraid of fire. My house setting on fire. I would wake in the night terrified that I lived on the second floor and if there was a fire, there would be no way to get out. My parents had Family Home Evenings on fire safety and escape routes to calm my fears. We passed by a garage sale one day and my mom noticed a chain-link ladder that attached to a window ledge in case of fire, to help you escape. They bought it and put it under my bed. That calmed me for a while, until I realized that I didn't know how to use it.

I used to dream about being kidnapped, or attacked. My attacker never had a face. I just new it was a big strong man. Someone I could not defend myself against. I would run, but couldn't run. Scream but the sound wouldn't come out.

Most of the dreams that have kept me awake have been demonic though. I can't handle it. Those dreams have lasted into my adult life. I'm not afraid of sharks in my bedroom anymore. Or fires that I can't get away from. But other-worldly things still scare me. I'm a control freak, and maybe it's because it's something I don't fully understand and the loss of control that still freaks me out.

I can't watch scary movies...at all. I can't even watch the previews for scary movies. Even listening to music that has scary undertones, like Marilyn Manson scares me. I get queezy and shaky and nervous and this fear that's deep down in my spirit crawls up from my stomach and chokes me.

I have watched scary movies before. Mostly when I was in situations where I was too scared of the social repercussions to tell anyone that I was scared. I've gotten over that, and I have no problem telling people I don't watch those types of movies anymore. The loss of sleep is not worth it to me. And movies stick with me for a VERY long time. I remember seeing a scary movie at my friend's house when I was 15. It was terrifying. Everyone was scared, but the kind of scared where you scream at the scary parts and then laugh. I was paralyzed on the couch. A few weeks later she asked me if I wanted to come over and watch the sequel. We started it (still in that 'I want to be cool and popular phase'), and I went upstairs to the kitchen and looked at a magazine for 2 hours while everyone else watched the movie. I could still hear it though...and that was enough. I didn't sleep much for a few days.

Then, when I was 19 or 20, I went and saw another scary movie with my brother, my cousin, and my boyfriend (now husband). I watched the movie with my feet up on the seat, my jacket over my body (remember, being covered protects you) and my hands over my face. That night, I slept in my parent's bed, holding my mother's hand with the light on. My dad slept in my bed, and my boyfriend slept in the hallway outside the door, just in case. And when I say slept, I mean I laid in bed. I did that for 2 nights. Then I slept in my own bed, with the light on for weeks after that. My boyfriend or my dad would walk me to my bedroom door and say goodnight, and then I'd be alone with my mind. TO this day, there are still images from that movie that get me. Ther is a scene where cupboard doors are left open to indicate that the 'being' was or had been there. If I walk into my kitchen and my cupboard doors are open, it all comes back. So I close them almost obsessively.

The only reason I think things are better now is because there is someone sharing the bed with me, every night. Someone who has successfully beaten off an intruder in real life, so I feel confident he will protect me. But there are still nights where I sleep so close to him and grip his arm and pray the morning light will come quickly.

I'm not sure where this fear comes from. I know my dad doesn't like intense or scary movies. But my fear is so gripping. I can't walk down a hallway at night in the dark, even if I know my husband is standing at the other end. When I was younger, I would flush the toilet and RUN out of the room, turning the light off as I left. I could not turn the light off a second sooner...I don't know why. Toilet monsters I guess.

I remember my mom coming into my room and rubbing my back and distracting me from whatever I was scared of by having me imagine what my Disney Princess dress would look like if I were in a movie. It was always yellow. A few times she would walk away when she thought I was finally asleep only to discover that I wasn't and would have to come back. So eventually she would stay by my bed long into the night. I don't know how she did it. I"m the middle child, so she had younger kids to take care of too. Babies to deal with. But she was always there, and I don't remember her ever getting frustrated with me. Just rubbing my back and making it better.

So, when my daughter wakes me in the night, I think, I can be there for her. I can make it better. She doesn't have nightmares often. And a few months ago her dad bought her a dreamcatcher, which seemed to work for a while. She's had two nightmares this week, and quietly sobs "why isn't my dreamcatcher working anymore?" So last night we decided it must be full and we'll have to come up with a way to clean it out. We're going to take it outside and shake out all the bad dreams so it has room to catch the new ones. It's completely irrational, but so are bad dreams, so only irrational solutions seem to work. I don't think she has the same issues I do. At least for her sake, I hope not. But I will be there for her...and try not to be a demon myself the next day when I'm running on little sleep. It doesn't always work, but I'm trying.

Romance

I always find it amazing how a sound, or a song, or simple image, or smell can bring back a flood of memories. Yesterday on my way in to the city, I stopped to check the mail, because I knew the gift Tyler had ordered for me for Valentines Day would be there. Perfume. He wasn't very sneaky this year, but I was excited anyway, because I knew he had ordered me my favorite perfume that I haven't had for years. Ralph Lauren Romance. I love it. He bought it for me when we were dating, like a decade ago. I don't remember what the occasion was. Christmas, birthday, anniversary. But I used it pretty much every day and it's the only perfume I've owned that I actually finished the bottle. I have others that I like and use every so often, but not like this. I use Lancome's Miracle (which Tyler got me after we were married) and Gucci Envy (a gift from Tyler's brother for Christmas). I also have one called Play from Avon, which I ordered for myself when I used to be an Avon Lady. *Ding Dong*

So I opened my beautifully wrapped gift today (brown box packaging with an address label on it) and pulled out my new perfume and was surprised to find TWO bottles of perfume. Ralph Lauren Romance AND Lucky for Women. So he CAN pull off a surprise still!

I opted for the all-time favorite today and as I sprayed on the perfume, a huge flood of memories came back. Like I said, I wore this perfume everyday through our dating years and the smell just brought it all back. ID Bracelets, trips to BC every weekend, lunchtime dates to our favorite restaurant, never saying goodbye, kissing in the car (yes, we did that - and we're married now with 3 children, so I'm not ashamed to say it, I mean, come on, kissing is awesome! Especially when it's not rushed or interrupted by 3 kids!) I feel like this post could go on forever, because I would love to expound on all the memories that I have been reflecting on today.

I will wear my new perfume tomorrow. Lucky for Girls. I'm undecided on it, since it's a scent that Tyler really likes and discovered when he was on his mission and has always wanted me to try. Don't ask me how a missionary discovers a girls perfume on his mission. Apparently it was really popular in Utah 10 years ago. And Tyler has always been popular with the ladies, so...

So far, it has been a great Valentines Gift because it feels like so much more than just perfume. Sappy, I know. Ralph Lauren must have known what he was doing when he named it Romance.

The other awesome part of our date was taking a dip in the hot tub last night after all the kiddies went to bed. I have not been in a hot tub without kids in years and it's amazing how much quieter you can talk when you're not trying to have a conversation over splashing and screaming. The Hot Tub really CAN be relaxing.

Happy Valentines Day

We celebrated Valentines Day today as a family, since Tyler has been working late so often. I had planned to do a fabulous steak dinner for everyone too, but we were too busy with Home Depot trips and choosing paint colors for our house to get to the grocery store, so instead we settled on 'let's see what we can find in the fridge!' Turned out pretty great actually. We had a dinner of 3 different salads (broccoli, pasta, and quinoa/chickpea) and some yorkshire pudding and smoothies. Everyone ate it up pretty fast, which is always a delight to the chef. And Max delighted in giving himself a smoothie mustache.

The kids have been working on valentines for weeks and Lucy talks about Valentines day nearly as much as Christmas and her birthday. It's a big deal to her. So we've made it a big deal to us. What's the harm in that? She loves a holiday that is centered on love. She's been drawing and writing valentines for all her friends and family and just couldn't believe Grandma and Papa would be away for such a monumental holiday. "We better plan a valentines party for when they get home!" I don't think she realizes that people don't usually have valentines parties.

Anyway, they helped me pick out a gift for Tyler and I stowed a few things away for them as well. We got Tyler Wii Party because often his favorite gifts are ones that we can all enjoy. Something he can do WITH his kids. We had an afternoon of Wii Party for our Valentines party, and it was great. A few tears to start which I can only attribute to too much anticipation and not enough sleep. Both my kids found it VERY stressful at first. Which seems bizarr-o because it's just fun little mini-games.

I got my Max-Valentine a bumblebee transformer that actually transforms, which he loves; and my Logan-Valentine some little construction trucks that he likes throwing.

Logan also celebrated Valentines Day by deciding he can walk. Sort of. They're crazy steps in which he giggles and screams the whole time he's doing it, but it's totally awesome and cute. But of course, with this new surge of confidence also comes bruises or worse. Logan's got his first band-aid.
That wound was care of the TV stand cupboard door. But he went back to play with that same cupboard door later, so I guess there are no hard feelings.

Dad got his Lucy-Valentine a Cinderella dress-up doll to match the Snow White and Belle ones she already got for her birthday last year. She's been saying how she has her 2 favorites, but not her 3rd favorite. Now she has all 3. Do you remember when you used to rank things into favorites? It's a fun kid thing to do.

It was an awesome day and hopefully my Valentines thought so too. I am reassured that my valentines present is coming in the mail and should be here tomorrow.

Economics

On Friday we experienced a major triumph. Well, I did. The kids just had fun. I decided to venture out of the house and take 3 kids to Walmart, by myself. There have been very few places that I have chosen to go with all 3 kids by myself. It's heavy and a lot of work and just stressful. Anyway, I'm getting side-tracked. The kids each got a $10 gift card from Auntie Alison for their birthdays...10 months ago...that we had still yet to use. I won't go into my lameness of not taking the time, or worrying about them spending it on something wasteful...I came to my senses. We headed to Walmart with the express purpose of spending that money. On the way there, a discussion came up about whether they actually want to spend their money or if they should save it. Lucy said, "we can just spend it and then mom and dad can put more money on our credit cards" (yes, it's adorable that they call it their credit card). I told Lucy it doesn't just work that way. She then responded that "it does with YOUR credit card.". Uh, no. "dad goes to work to put money on our 'credit card'. So we decided that mom and dad could come up with a list of chores that they could do to earn some money. "sure, I could empty the dishwasher for
$10!" "dishwasher is not a $10 job. Most of your jobs will be $1 or $2 and you can build up to $10.". I see this being a great learning tool, if we stick with it. The best part is it was their idea, so hopefully the learning will go better than if Tyler and I forced it on them.

Anyway, back to this trip. It was so fun to see them scour the toy aisles looking for the perfect thing that was less than $10. Their choices did not surprise me. Lucy debated over a zhu-zhu pet (one of those frivolous toys that I was so worried they would choose-these are useless to me), a Disney princess and some Pet Shops. But none of them had her REALLY excited. And then she spotted it, burried in a pile of other stuffies...a baby Marie. She's the white kitten from the Aristocats. She already has 2 others that she got from Disneyland. One from Grandma and Papa and one from Dad, she likes to remind us, even though mom convinced dad...oh well. This Marie was $8.75.

Max searched the boy aisle and saw transformers, hot wheels and iron man toys but, of course, decided on a light saber, $9. Perfect.

And they have loved them for days. Look at how excited they are to pay for their own things at the till.
The cashier even called Max a big man. So sweet.

Follow Up

Last night as we got in the van to go to the church Lucy said, "Max, look! It's the wishing star! If you make a wish it will come true! Make a wish!". Pause. "so, what did you wish for?"
Max: "I wished that when we get bigger and Lucy gets married, that she will still live here."

Kid's Say

Last night as we were driving into Cochrane to go choose paint colors, carpet and hardwood for our house in town, the kids started having an interesting discussion:

Lucy: "Mom, did you know that I won't live with you forever?"
Me: "Oh?"
Lucy:"yeah, like, when I'm a kid I'll still live with you. And when I'm a teenager. But when I get married, I will live somewhere else with my husband."
Max: "No!"
Lucy: "Yes Max, it's true. Just like how Sarah moved out of Grandma and Papa's house when she married Tyson."
(This is a sore point for Max. It's the only downside to an otherwise very glorified view of Uncle Tyson)
Lucy: "You have 2 choices when you get married. Either the boy moves in with the girl, or the girl moves in with the boy."
Max: "Well, Grandma married Papa and they still live at Grandma and Papa's house."
Lucy: "That's true. Mom, was it Grandma's house, or Papa's house before they got married?"
Me: "They bought it together"
Lucy: "Oh! So there's 3 choices. You can buy a house together AFTER you get married too!"
Max: (I imagine he is picturing going to the store and 'buying' a house) *giggle* "You can't just buy a house! You can go to the store and buy the pieces to MAKE a house though." pause "that would take a LOT of pieces!"
Lucy: "It must be hard work to put all the pieces together..."

By this time we had arrived, but I was dying on the inside. Kids are so funny. At least to me.

And look at this handsome. He doesn't say much, but he's sure cute.

Good Day

Today has been a great day, and I'm grateful. It started out by a sweet and simple conversation I had with my kids this morning while they ate breakfast. Lucy asked me why I wasn't eating and I explained to her that it was fast Sunday. This brought on a discussion about abstaining from food for 24 hours. Lucy's eyes got big and she said, I don't think I'll be able to fast until I'm big like Janeen. ( who is 19). I explained to her that she didn't have to do it all right away, and that we could take it step by step. Maybe just cutting out one thing at a time, like snacks, or drinks, etc. I told her that in Sister Hudson's family, when her kids were little, they would portion out their meal and the kids would choose which item they would fast from and then they would also figure out the dollar amount associated with that so they could pay a fast offering as well. After our discussion she looked at me and said, with a little more hope in her voice this time, maybe I can start fasting when I'm eight. As I thought about it more, I realized what a big deal this must have been to her. Lucy has the personality of extreme obedience...especially to things Heavenly Father or the prophet have said, so the fact that fasting seemed so extremely impossible to her at the beginning of our conversation must have been so disheartening and truly devastating to her. Not being able to do something she has been commanded to do would be the worst thing to her. And then realizing she could take it slowly, I could see the relief on her face. I vote my testimony in sacrament meeting and asked Lucy if I could share that experience, she said yes. I expressed how it made me reflect on times when I feel overwhelmed when I think about all the things the Lord has asked me to do, and how it can seem so overwhelming at times, but that the Lord doesn't expect us to do it all at once. Line upon line. Precept upon precept. It was a sweet reminder of that.
It was also a great day because we were a few minutes early for church and I always feel like I deserve a pat on the back those days. I try every Sunday, of course, but it rarely seems to work out.
Since I completed the Book of Mormon, I have started on the New Testament and had an opportunity to read a bit while Logan was taking his nap. I read in Matthew 5:25, where the Savior instructs tonforgive thine adversary quickly...unless ye be cast into prison, and I thought about how contention really is a prison. We feel trapped and frustrated and it's just hard to breathe or think clearly or be ourselves when we're involved in contention. Some might say that agreeing with your adversary quickly is a point of weekness, but really it frees you...and there really isn't anything stronger than that. Not being under control of contention.
The very last verse in Matthew 5 says, 'Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect. He just spent the whole chapter talking about being meek and peacemakers and forgiving and doing good to them who use you, etc, and I thought, 'I guess perfection comes from doing good, even to those who hurt you. Isn't that the hardest thing to learn to do? No wonder that's what is required to be perfect. At the end if His life, after the Savior had done 'the most good' to all those who would hurt him, he visited the Nephites and then said, 'therefore, I would that ye should be perfect, even as I or your Father in heaven is perfect.'. He was good to ALL who used him, and now he was perfect.
Anyway, the day has just been up from there.

Better

I guess yesterday's post was a bit over-dramatic. Big surprise. I did reflect how I was feeling, but didn't reflect the fact that I was actually having a really great day with my kiddies. We've been hanging out a lot lately, and have all been enjoying it. Coloring, working on homework, making dinner, playing Wii racing (which is so fun to watch) and watching movies. "Oh Poop".
The kids helped me make dinner again last night, with our new highlighted menu item, quinoa. They're having fun helping me and saying it. And it's fun to watch them talk about how 'nutritious' it is for you. The meal even had beans in it, and Max was so good about promising to try it and he did. When he went to bed last night, I told him he had been such a good boy that day and he reminded me that he had been saying, 'yes, yes, yes' all day, and not saying, 'no' as he has been in the habit of doing lately.
I'm feeling better today too because my husband and I had some time together. Watching a movie last night, where he actually said he didn't even think about his dissertation for about 80% of the time, and a quick trip to Costco together today. Yes, we go on dates to Costco sometimes. You do what you have to do. Even just riding in the same vehicle to our many destinations today was a treat and had me feeling better.
I got to hang at my mom's and chat with my favorite girlfriends, my mom and my sister and SILs. It was a great day. Add to that the fact that tomorrow is Sunday which means a day of rest. As hard as it will be, we will not be thinking or talking about home renos for our house in town, or dissertations, or getting ready to move. We will play with our kids and eat a meal together, and just relax. It's going to be great, I know it. Sundays really are the best days.

If you dare

I'm not really sure what this post is about. I have a lot of thoughts rolling around in my head, and not enough to do to occupy my time to make those thoughts go away, and so they're festering. Most times I try to use this blog as just a day-to-day, 'in the life of' type journal without anything to deep or too personal, since it is public. But sometimes, a girls just gotta get it out. An idle mind is the devils playground...I've heard that before. And these feelings are important to me right now, and journalling is supposed to be about feelings that are important. However I've gone back and read my journals from the past about feelings that were SO important to me, and I think, that girl is lame. I guess that's growing for you.

Being the wife of a PhD student kinda sucks. I'm not gonna lie. It's pretty lonely. He's been working 12 and 14 hour days, he's super stressed, and tired, and stressed and the frustration builds and often he lashes out at me and it hurts my feelings. Not because he's trying to hurt my feelings, but because I'm tired, and stressed and lonely and sick and PMSing, and that's just how I take it. But I know he's stressed and tired, so I just let it be and don't say anything, because the last thing a stressed and tired PhD student needs is a naggy wife who's having a hard time dealing with 'feelings'. But I'm mostly just lonely. And my best friend is sometimes my worst enemy and it sucks. And I want to lash out at him, but then I want him to just give me a hug, but then we just end up sitting on the couch beside each other watching some lame-o tv and then going to bed exhausted.
It's lonely living out here. I love it most of the time. I love the view, and the quiet, and the proximity to Grandma and Papa's, and the wide-open space for playing outside, but in the winter, or when there's a baby involved, it's not so fun. It's hard to have to drive so far to get to anything. It's windy and we get snowed in often, which makes driving anywhere impossible. Grandma and Papa are in Mexico right now, so we look out the window at their big blue house on the hill and there's no excitement, because we know they're not there. We can't watch out the window to see a car driving up and get excited about who it might be, because there's no one.
I wanted to do something today, but had no plan. Lucy's leg is still really weak, so going anywhere that might require her walking around wasn't really an option. And going somewhere so I can push 3 kids in a stroller or shopping cart isn't that exciting to me either. I didn't want to go to the mall, because we're trying to save money, and that would just be counter-productive. So instead, just to get out of the house, we made a trip to Canadian Tire to get lightbulbs and furnace filters. Whoo-hoo. Necessities, but not very exciting. The kids also got their valentines for this year and are having fun writing their friend's names one them as I type. Max surprises me every year. The boy valentines this year were Transformers, Hot Wheels Cars, Batman, Spongebob. He hung on to the Transformers ones for a while and then suddenly switched it up to Hot Wheels, but as we were leaving he spotted some Star Wars valentines and chose those. Lucy however, is completely predictable and chose Disney Princesses. Not surprising at all...but sweet that she is so consistently sweet. I took a picture because I don't want this post to be a huge pile of words with nothing cute to look at...plus Lucy got her haircut last week and I love it, so I take pictures as often as I can. I'm sure one day they will look back and say, why did you take pictures of such unimportant things...but the things that are important to grown-ups are very different from the things that are important to 3 and 5 year olds.
Watching them make Valentines makes me think of Valentines Day. Shocker. I don't put a lot of weight in Valentines Day. It's not that big of a deal to me. But I know my husband has already gotten me something (perfume...we already had a discussion about how 'unsneaky' he was this year) and I don't have a clue what to get him. His 30th birthday is a month later, and that's making it even harder. I think I'm pretty awesome at getting gifts, he's just really crappy at receiving them. So how do you make the 30th birthday special?
Speaking of birthdays, Logan's is in 2 weeks. He will be 1. That's a big deal. That means I have survived a whole year of being the mother of 3 children. And not just any year, the first year, which I am convinced is the hardest. But I feel myself highly unmotivated to plan anything for his birthday. I did a monster 1st birthday for Lucy, because of course. She's the first. Max's was a pretty big deal too. But a big birthday party for a 1 year old seems a little pointless now. I want to do something special, but I also don't want to make it bigger than necessary. He won't remember it, and it might be a bit overwhelming. So how do I make it special, but not crazy? Then I feel myself leaning towards becoming my mom, which in most ways is not a bad thing, at all, but I always remember how birthday parties were such a drag to her, and she always tried to convince us not to have them. Now that I'm a mom, I completely see why...it's a WHOLE lot of work for mom...but I always vowed that I would make a big deal of birthdays for my kids, so I have a hard time going back on my vows. So I'm torn. It's not just a celebration of him turning 1, but of me surviving. It was a tough year. I finished the Book of Mormon just yesterday. I had made a goal to finish before his birthday. It was pretty anti-climatic. I don't know what I was expecting. I'm glad. It's quite an accomplishment for me, and the finishing wasn't the point...it was the daily reading that was the point. And that did make a difference. When I read Moroni's word to 'ask' I was unsure whether I should do that. I already have a testimony of it. I had many experiences throughout my reading where I could say I felt the Holy Ghost testify that it was true, so asking again at the end almost feels silly. But I guess I should try. I might be surprised by what I feel.
We're getting things ready to sell our house in Cochrane in preparation for our move to Kingston. There's a lot of renos that need to be done because after having a number of tenants living there over the past 4 years it's starting to look a bit shabby. We're going to paint. Replace the hardwood. Install carpet in the basement and finish the bathroom down there. I know it's all necessary work, but I am so not motivated to fix up someone else's house. It feels like looking backwards in order to move forward. I just want to move forward. Plus, I'm not very motivated for all the work it will probably take. That sounds lazy, and it probably is.
And thinking about Kingston makes me excited and worried. I am excited for something different. But I'm worried because if I feel lonely living on the Williamson's property, 5 seconds away from family and 30 minutes away from the rest, then how am I going to do when I'm across the country with no one close by?
I keep logging on to facebook to see what the rest of the world is up to. But nothing is happening, so either everyone else is as bored as me, or they're having too much fun to bother posting about it. My lonely brain is leaning towards the second.
I've had sinus pressure for about 6 weeks now and have been blowing my nose for just as long and it's nearly driving me insane. I'm serious. The insanity is like, right there. And then there are other times when I think to myself, 'really? sinus pressure is going to be what puts you over the edge into insanity? really?' It seems dumb.
Today is February 4th. The PhD is supposed to be done March 4th. This is going to be a long month.

All's Well that Ends Well

On Wednesday, we made another trip into the city to the Children's Hospital...but this time, hopefully for the last time in quite a while. Lucy was getting her cast off. She was so super excited and a tiny bit nervous for the occasion. She'd only been walking on her walking cast for the last 3 days, as she is a nervous and shy girl, and apparently that's not unusual. But having to walk around without the cast was another story. As we sat waiting, she told me that the 'next time' she gets a cast, she'd like a green one. I told her that we should try to avoid any more broken bones.

The skin on her leg is tender and alligator-like and flaking off all over my house, which is not awesome, but it's better than a cast.

I still have two scootch-bums on my hands, but I imagine Lucy's leg will get better and better every day and soon she will be running and playing. The doctor told us to expect almost as long with limping as she had the cast on. So we're looking at about 6 weeks of that.
I'd say this was a happy day.

Snag

Day 2 of the food revolution did not go as well. Salad was great, main course, not so great. Coming up with healthy recipe alternatives is exhausting. I want to eat better, but I don't want to eat tofu and granola all day. It's so much easier to get my kids to eat the usual. Chicken breast, potatoes and a veggie. Huge salads are not their favorite. Oh well, keep moving forward. This is all a move to healthier eating. It doesn't mean everything has to change in one day.

FHE

Tonight was FHE. Lucy has been so excited for this night to come, because we finally hung up the FHE chart that Kari and Barrett gave us for Christmas, and she SO wants to use it. I asked her to do the song, so she sang a new song they learnt in Primary yesterday, which was so sweet. Max joined in on the parts he could remember. Max said the prayer and thanked for things like primary and Lucy's singing. It was really sweet and thoughtful. I was on lesson, Logan was on activity and Dad was on scriptures. Lucy was on treat.
Tonight we learned about keeping journals. We are supposed to write about what we're doing these days. The kids drew pictures.


My journal: Dad is working late tonight on his PhD. We will be moving to Kingston in a few months. I'm excited for a new house, a new job and a new ward. Not that I don't love all the ones we currently have. It is an exciting adventure for our family. The kids are excited to see new places. Everyone keeps telling us that we will be a great addition to the church out there. I imagine it will be a great experience for us too. We've had fun looking for houses online, but can't wait to look in person. Max says he wants our house to have a red couch because he loves red.
I've also been trying to feed our family good food so we can be healthier. Tonight, we ate homemade spring rolls, which were a lot of work to make, but the kids loved them and gobbled them up, so I guess it was worth it. We also had a Soba Bowl with rice. The kids had a banana and a pita for a snack today and were over the moon about it. I'm glad it's going so well. I hope it continues. Buying a full cart of veggies is way cheaper than my usual groceries too. Score!
I gave a talk in church yesterday too, which I should probably include. Seems important.
Today was cold. Like -30. But it didn't feel so bad once we got outside. I'm hoping it warms up soon. Grandma and Papa are in Mexico and I'm jealous. I'd like to visit someplace warm when it's cold where I live someday.
Here's Max's picture of a red couch, and all of us smiling.
Lucy drew a picture of us sitting on the couch having family home evening.
Logan scooted around the living room.
After we were done our journals, we played Wii racing for a while. The kids favorite thing to do these days. Then they had some icecream for a treat and it was tubbie time, scriptures, prayers, and into bed.
I like it when things go smoothly.