So, it's January 16th. 16 days into my New Years resolution to feel the love, spread the love, and say the love. By today, I should have said "I love you" 192 times between the 4 other members of my family. I was curious to know what would happen when I started doing this. If it would actually make a difference to them, or just to me. Or anyone at all. So I've also decided to add another aspect to my resolution...to blog about it. Since I blog already, and I'd like to try and take note of whether my goal is actually having any impact or not, it makes sense.
To be honest, it was really difficult to get into it at first. Doesn't that sound terrible? It's not like I don't love my family. I'm just really, REALLY awful at expressing it verbally. It was hard to get into the habit. And sometimes, it felt a bit like I was just saying the words, to make sure I got them in. I have decided to not tell my kids that this is a goal of mine, because I didn't want them ever to think that my expressions of love were forced or only a matter of checking them off my goal-list. Because that's never the case. I'm just becoming more conscious of my verbal expressions.
So it was difficult at first. I'm pretty sure I had to say it 5 or 6 times a day a few times, to make up for days that I only said it twice. I'm starting to get into the swing of it now though. It's still not a natural occurrence, and I have to prompt myself, but I find the words are on the tip of my tongue more often.
I find it especially easy with Logan, because he's with me ALL THE TIME. Sometimes that makes it difficult to feel the love, because the constant company can be a test to feeling the love. Especially now that he's hitting the terrible twos stage and seems to be hitting a lot more. And screaming. His new favourite saying, "Oh man!" as he flops down onto the floor. But he's with me for so many hours of the day, that it's easy to squeeze it in. I find the easiest times to say "I love you" is when he's going to bed, or just waking up. Kids who sleep well really help me to feel the love.
I have to be more creative with the other 3. I admit, I texted an "I love you" to Tyler one day. That counts, right?
So, here's what I've noticed so far. Not a lot, but maybe a teeny, tiny bit. I'm more aware of it, which is great. This is one of the main objectives of the goal. But I HAVE noticed that Max has been saying "I love you" a little bit more too. And running up to give hugs more often too. Are the two related? I don't know, but I noticed it.
We have also had a few moments at bedtime, where "I love you" has been said repeatedly back and forth between parents and children. "I love you." "I love you!" "I love YOU" "I love YOU!" etc.
I feel like my level of patience is mostly higher. I don't know if that's just a completely unrelated gift, but it has definitely been there. Even today, when Logan was driving me CRAZY, I was slightly more patient. Slightly.
Anyway, it's an interesting experiment. I envision our house overflowing with love by the end of the year. Can you see it too?
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