Bittersweet Faith

It's a hard day. I feel especially emotional today. Not sure why. Tyler actually went into work today instead of working from home like he has for the past week. Maybe doing this alone has something to do with my emotions being so close to the surface today. Anyway, he was gone from early this morning got home at 5:20, ate dinner and was out again by 6pm to help someone in our ward until who knows when. He was at young men's all evening yesterday, so that means two days in a row that I have to do the whole bath and bedtime thing by myself. I'm not trying to complain, just painting a picture. He always has early morning meetings on Sundays now that he is the Young Men's president, which means I have to get myself and 3 kids ready for church by myself - we've been on time for church once I think. I try to not think about it, because I know he is fulfilling his priesthood responsibility, and if I'm supportive of him in that, then we will be blessed. I see so many thousands of other women who have had to do the same - our Bishop's wife has 5 kids and I imagine on Sundays she doesn't get to see her husband much at all. Anyway, I'm not looking for sympathy, or anything, just wanted to document my feelings, so one day when my daughter reads this (which I hope she will some day...we'll see) and sees that I had real feelings and struggles as a mother of young children, hopefully it will give her courage to continue on. Of course, I already think she's a much more amazing person than I am...so maybe she won't have these struggles. So my faith is bittersweet. It's there. I have faith and know this is right and that my husband is away and for a good reason, and if he could be here, he would, but by serving elsewhere, we will be blessed...but I don't quite have the faith yet to know that AND like it at the same time. I'm still a work in progress.