With Hesitation

We had a bit of a cute yet 'touchy' incident last week, and I have been hemming and hawing on whether or not to share it, just because I don't want this blog to turn into the "cute but embarrassing things my kids do, but can't stop me from publishing because they can't read yet and don't know any better" blog. It was a pretty sweet experience though, that I know family members would like to hear about, and I'm pretty sure our audience is small, so I publish with hesitation. For quite a few months, Lucy has been more aware of the 'goings on' in sacrament meeting, especially since her Papa was called into the Bishopric and sits up on the stand now. A few Sundays ago, Papa was speaking in church, and Lucy asked me when it was going to be her turn. I told her that on Fast Sundays people bare their testimonies and that if we practiced, she could do that too. She was very excited (I'm not sure if it was for the testimony, or the chance to use the microphone), so we began our practicing. The majority of it took place on Sunday morning as we got ready for church on Fast Sunday. We talked for weeks about the things that are appropriate to share in a testimony, and then on Sunday morning, her and her dad (Tyler...he doesn't like it when I refer to him as 'her dad' because it makes it seem like he has no affiliation to me...so Tyler, my husband, the father of our children...there) narrowed it down to a few things she would say. She practiced repeating it through breakfast, and on the way to church. She decided she wanted to say her testimony at the pulpit, and not with the roaming mic, and Dad was going to go up there and help her, so she could look at mom in the audience. (This is where our plan fell apart...we thought this was the best arrangement, but you will soon see it wasn't). So we got to church, she sat through sacrament patiently, waiting for testimony meeting to start. Tyler (my husband and father of my children) asked her if she wanted to go first and she said yes. So she waited for the Bishop to open the meeting with his testimony and then her and Tyler headed up to the stand. Upon standing up in our row, they had to get past Max and I to get out, and Lucy bumped her head on the pew in their haste. This was the start of a downward spiral. They sat for a minute and helped her get over the tears while someone else had a turn. Then, when she had calmed down, they headed up to the stand and Papa got the booster out for her to stand on. Someone else had stood in this amount of time, so again, she had to wait. Then it was open. Her and Tyler (husband and Father) headed up to the microphone. She stood up on the booster, they pulled the microphone down to her level, and he knelt down to whisper in her ear in case she forgot. As soon as she looked out over the audience, I saw the instant panic in her eyes and was pretty sure this wasn't going to go well. We sit 2nd row from the front, so I was right in her line of sight. I tried smiling and nodding to reassure her. She started out with a quiet, but audible "I'd like to bear my testimony..." turned and faced her dad and shook her head, he whispered, and then she melted into tears. (as did I, by the way...which is not a shock). Tyler picked her up and leaned into the microphone to say the following, "Lucy really wanted to bear her testimony today. She's practiced really hard, and she wanted everyone to know that she knows that Jesus lives and he loves her. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen." Everyone said amen, and then as Tyler carried her off the stand, she cried out, "Daddy, I wanted to say it!" The entire congregation laughed (which, fortunately, she's not at the embarrassing stage yet, so it didn't bother her). And they came back to our row and she buried her head in me. She whispered to me that she wanted to be close to me, and there is the failure of our great plan. She also told me that maybe when she was five she could do it. Five is the big girl age that she has decided a lot of important things will happen. A few minutes later, one of our shy 10-year old primary boys stood up, and very nervously said, "If Lucy can do it, so can I." and he bore his testimony, which was really sweet. And being the primary president, I felt that Lucy's testimony (although not how we planned it) was definitely worth it. After church we went over to Grandma and Papa's and Lucy shared her testimony with everyone there. And on Wednesday evening we had tithing settlement with the Bishop and he asked Lucy to share her testimony with him, and she did. This was what she had prepared to say:
"I'd like to bear my testimony. I know that Jesus lives and he loves me. I know that President Monson is the prophet. I know that the book of mormon stories are true. And when I'm all by myself, the Holy Ghost is there, even though I can't see him."
It was a sweet and wonderful experience to see my daughter following the examples of those around her, holding dear the things that are so sacred to me, and to see her thoughtfulness in choosing the things that she would say. I'm excited for her to begin Sunbeams next year. I know she will totally be in her element, and I'm looking forward to her testimony expanding. And I hope when she's old enough to read and be embarrassed by her mom, that my sharing this experience won't be too traumatic for her.